who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
