I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
