I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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