I accidentally burped into my bong.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
