Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
