dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
