Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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