it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
