Christians are straight up FREAKS
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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