dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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