I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Soap is not a condiment
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
