My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize