I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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