I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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