He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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