the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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