the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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