I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
