The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
