Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize