Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
