When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
