no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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