Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
