I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
