If that was your dad, he is hot
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
