It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
