Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
