Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
