Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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