She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
