my sisters under your porch take her home
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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