Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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