she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
