So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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