He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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