ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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