Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
