I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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