Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont even know how to be here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
