the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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