I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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