I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
