I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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