I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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