having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
