We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
