she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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