i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
