I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
