Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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