I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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