So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
