I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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