Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My legs feel like baby dolphins
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
