omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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