There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
