dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
