Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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