I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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