he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
