it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
