It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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