He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no, he came in my armpit
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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