apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's just like the Real World with babies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
