If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
