How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
