Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
