You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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