Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
