i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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