he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
