i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
