The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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