My liver just broke up with me...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
