Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
