six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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