i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
