Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
