I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There r osticjed everywhere
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
