he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize