Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
