He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
