If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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