Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
