This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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