maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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