I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
