so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
