When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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