She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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