She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
