I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
