Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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