I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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