I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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