can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
