"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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