we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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