Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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