Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
