I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
