We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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