I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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