Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
handjob tips. give me some.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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