my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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