Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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