It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
